The Universe of the Living

A forum where you can chat about absolutely anything.
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  CalendarCalendar  GalleryGallery  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  
Latest topics
» Ayurvedic perception of Amavata
Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:31 am by pyn12

» Spam Thread.
Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:21 pm by Oli:)

» Okami; Amaterasu.
Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:24 pm by Nelliel

» Reputation System.
Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:23 pm by Nelliel

» Name changes.
Wed Feb 09, 2011 6:39 pm by Nelliel

» Post the song you're listening to.
Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:52 pm by Oli:)

» Your Favorite Lyrics
Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:04 pm by Oli:)

» Breaking up.
Wed Aug 25, 2010 7:04 pm by Oli:)

» PROMOTING.
Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:16 am by Nelliel

Search
 
 

Display results as :
 
Rechercher Advanced Search

Share | 
 

 The BDSM thread.

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Nelliel
Creator Genesis
Creator Genesis
avatar

Posts : 372
Join date : 2010-03-17
Age : 106

PostSubject: The BDSM thread.   Wed Aug 04, 2010 11:05 pm

This thread is designed to be used as a database for those in the scene or curious about it. If you think you can just pick up any old whip and chains and be a BDSM expert, your wrong and you can get someone hurt.

The BDSM is a 3 way acronym that means "bondage+discipline" "dominance+submission" and "sado+masochism", and refers to many different relationships within the scene.

The first resources I list will be the most important and they have to do with safety:

The first thing you should remember about BDSM is to be safe sane and consensual.
* safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
* sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible cast of mind
* consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved, but note that legal consent may not create a defence to criminal liability for any injuries caused and that, for these purposes, non-physical injuries are included in the definition of grievous bodily harm in English law.

Some people think this term does not go far enough and so RACK was born, mainly because of prevalence of more risky play like edge play and scenes without safe words. RACK stands for:

* Risk-Aware: Both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity.
* Consensual: In light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity.
* Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.

A note on BDSM safety(from wiki):

Aside from the general advice related to Safer Sex, BDSM sessions often require a much wider array of safety precautions than typical Vanilla Sex (sexual behavior without BDSM elements). To keep all acts within the framework agreed upon by all participants, a commonly accepted set of rules and safety measures has emerged within the BDSM community.

To ensure consensus related to BDSM activity, pre-play negotiations are commonplace, especially among partners who do not know each other very well. These negotiations concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework. This kind of discussion is a typical "unique selling proposition" of BDSM sessions and quite commonplace. Additionally, safewords are often arranged to provide for an immediate stop of any activity if any participant should so desire. Quick and reliable response to safewords is an imperative for safe BDSM. In case of voice constraints of the bottom, eye contact or hand signs might be the only means of communication and are therefore of very high importance for safety.

Practical safety aspects are of tremendous importance. It is highly important during bondage sessions to understand which parts of the human body have a risk of damage to nerves and blood vessels by contusion or have a high risk of scar development. Using crops, whips or floggers, the top's fine motor skills and anatomical knowledge can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom and a highly unpleasant experience, possibly including severe physical harm. The very broad range of different BDSM "toys" and physical and psychological control techniques often requires a far-reaching knowledge of details related to the requirements of the individual session, such as anatomy, physics, and psychology.

It is necessary to be able to identify a bottom's psychological "freakouts" in advance in order to avoid it. Such losses of emotional balance due to sensory or emotional overload are the most common SM emergency. It is extremely important to follow his or her reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Safety links:

The difference between abuse and power exchange

RACK vs SSC

violence against women
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The BDSM lexicon:

24/7 A person, couple, or relationship that is involved with BDSM around the clock every day. Many consider 24/7 the ultimate D/s relationship. Many also consider this a nearly unattainable goal.

Age Play Role-playing in which one pretends to be older or younger than one's real age for erotic purposes.

Animal Play Role-playing in which one or more partners takes on the role of an animal. Dogs and horses are perhaps most common. An interest in animal training scenes does not imply sexual attraction to real animals.

B&D Bondage and Discipline. Practices involving bondage and role-playing or humiliation but little or no pain. Sometimes used to stand for Bondage and Domination; also sometimes used interchangably with S&M.

Baby Play (Also "Infantilism") Role-playing in which one or more of the partners adopts the role of an infant for erotic purposes. This is a specific case of age play.

BDSM A rare "three for the price of two" acronym that is generally understood to stand for Bondage and Discipline; Domination and Submission; and Sadism and Masochism. Possibly originating in the alt.sex.bondage Usenet newsgroup, the term seems more popular in North America than in the rest of the world. A catch-all which lumps together those who play with all aspects of erotic power exchange.

Body Modification Purposely altering the shape or surface of the body for decorative, sensual, or other purposes. Common forms of body modification include corset training, tattooing, and piercing.

Bondage The restraint of a consenting partner for shared enjoyment.

Bottom In a BDSM environment, the one who gives up control; also the act of giving up control. Some use "bottom" to refer only to the role in any given scene with no other reference intended; others use the term interchangeably with "submissive" and "slave"; still others use "bottom" to mean those who are only after pure physical sensations and have no allegiance to a play partner.

Boy The submissive partner in a (usually) gay (usually) male BDSM relationship or scene.

Bullwhip (Also "Arabian Whip") A long single-tail whip anywhere from about two to ten yards long. Usually made of cow or calf leather (though kangaroo is claimed to be best), some bullwhips are flexible from tip to end. The most visible bullwhips in recent history are probably the ones carried by Indiana Jones and Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman.

Caning To strike another with, or to be struck with, a cane.

Carabiner A roughly "D"-shaped metal ring with a spring-loaded "gate." Typically used in mountain climbing, carabiners find applications in suspension bondage as strong, easy-to-use connecting links. Some bondage enthusiasts clip carabiners to their belt loops as a signal to others.

Cat A short, multi-tailed whip. While often used interchangeably with "flogger" a "cat" is more accurately made with weighted or cutting ends. The term originated with "Cat o'Nine Tails" a whip made of braided rope with knotted ends and historically used in Naval discipline.

CBT An abbreviation for "Cock and Ball Torture." Refers to S&M practices involving "torturing" the male genitals with clothes pins, cock rings, or the like.

Collar A common symbol indicating that a submissive is regularly playing with, or is in a relationship with, a specific dominant partner. Such players are typically referred to as "collared slaves" or "collared submissives." On IRC, a collar is usually indicated by two curly brackets after a person's name, often with the owner's initial or name within (e.g., "ann{Jim}"). Also, a band of variable material (e.g., leather, metal, velvet ribbon) worn closely about the neck.

Consensual An activity or situation which is agreeable to all involved. Implies having the full permission of another before engaging in any BDSM activity. Also, the giving of such permission. A cornerstone of the BDSM credo of "Safe, Sane, and Consensual."

Corsetry A form of body modification in which a corset cinches the torso, significantly narrowing the waist and exaggerating the stereotypical feminine curves. Corsetting has applications in feminization as well as bondage and discipline.

Crop (Also "Riding Crop") A short flexible shaft with a leather "slapper" on one end, traditionally used in controlling horses. Also, the act of hitting someone with a crop.

D&S Dominance and Submission. Many use this aspect of the BDSM "triad" to refer to the psychological aspects of play.

Daddy The dominant partner in a (usually) gay (usually) male BDSM relationship or scene.

Discipline The consensual application of physical, mental, or emotional punishment and correction for errors real or imagined. Occasionally used to refer to all S&M activities other than bondage, specifically those which involve discomfort or pain.

Dominance The act of "controlling" a partner in a D/s scene.

Dominant The "controlling" partner in a D/s scene; also, a description of a Dominant's attitude. Male Dominants are sometimes abbreviated to "Dom." Note it is common for the less literate and the uniformed to confuse "dominant" and "dominate"; the former is what one is; the latter is what one does.

Dominatrix (Also "Domina") A female gender-specific term for the dominant partner in a D/s scene. Female Dominants are sometimes abbreviated to "Domme."

Domspace A state of being, reached by a dominant during a BDSM scene, which brings heightened awareness or releases intense emotions.

Dungeon A BDSM play space. Dungeons can range from a spare bedroom with hooks in the ceiling to a fully appointed basement packed with S&M furniture. Also, a commercial "pay for play" facility.

Dungeon Master (Also "DM") An official overseeing a dungeon play space. The DM is responsible for the smooth operation of the dungeon, as well as the safety of all participants and spectators. As related to safety issues, the DM's word is law, and s/he has the authority to immediately halt any scene.

Edgeplay Particularly risky or dangerous BDSM activities that are regarded with caution. (Note that what might be perfectly acceptable to some may be considered "edgeplay" to others.) Used by some to indicate knife play. Others use the term to mean "pushing limits."

Electric Play (Also "Electrotorture") A BDSM scene in which electricity is involved, to provide either pleasurable or painful sensations. A number of different sensations are possible, from the static-like "zaps" of a Violet Wand, through the induced muscle contractions from a TENS unit, to the erotic or painful stimulation of a PES device. Electric play is relatively safe as long as only well-engineered devices are used and no currents are allowed to flow above the waist. Because of the potential risks involved, however, those interested should seek training from qualified sources.

Endorphins An array of morphine-like hormones produced when the body is under unusual stress. Endorphins produce a tranquil state in which pain recedes and a feeling of euphoria arises.

FemDom A term used to describe an environment, scene, or relationship where the dominant partner is a woman. Most often applied to heterosexual interaction where the submissive is a man.

Fetish A strong attraction to a particular material, item, or fantasy, which a person can use to enhance erotic, sensual, or sexual experiences. Latex and high heels are two of the more common fetishes. It has been stated that only men have true fetishes, though many women argue that this is not the case.

Fetishist One who sees no harm in fetishism and freely embraces his or her own fetishes.

Flagellation The act of one person whipping or striking a consenting partner. The term is technically correct in many cases but is not typically used in the scene.

Flogger A short multi-tailed whip in which the tails are usually long, flat strips of leather.
Depending on the constuction and how it is wielded, a flogger can produce either a "thuddy" sensation not unlike being massaged, or a "stingy" feeling. Also, the Dominant person in the scene who is doing the flogging; following this logic, the submissive recipient is sometimes humorously referred to as the "flogee."

Flogging The act of striking a consenting submissive with any of a variety of flexible instruments. In its most technically correct use, "flogging" refers only to strokes applied with a flogger. Also, the scene in which flogging occurs.

Gender Play (Also "Gender Bending") Role-playing in which one or both partners assume the role or sex differing from their own. "Gender play" does not necessarily indicate an interest in cross dressing or transvestism.

Gorean Gorean scenes are based on the ficticious world of Gor as created by author John Norman. Gorean play involves very specific behavior, language, and body positions.
Relationships based on the Gor books are almost universally male dominant/female submissive.

Green Generically referred to as a "go word." One of the three words used in the widely known "stoplight" safeword system. "Green" means the submissive is fine, is enjoying what the Dominant is doing, or wants more of the same. Generally this call is only given in response to the Dominant's enquiry.

Hanky Code A signalling system, used primarily within the gay community, in which the color of handkerchiefs in a person's back pocket and the side upon which they are worn indicate the wearer's preferences.

Harness An arrangement of ropes, chains, or straps placed about the body as an erotic costume or to serve some BDSM-related function (e.g., for suspension).
Japanese Bondage An intricate type of bondage, usually with rope, which in its highest form approaches art.

Kink A slang term for any sexual or sensual interest not "approved" or generally practiced by the majority. Most BDSMers are seen as "kinky."

Leather Community All people involved in BDSM on any level and in any form.

Leatherman A term typically referring to a gay male S&Mer. Some use the term to refer to "Old Guard" exclusively.

Limits The boundaries argeed upon by all parties in a BDSM scene. Also, the areas a submissive does not wish to explore for whatever reason. Consensuality demands that the Dominant partner honor limits, though in many relationships it is understood that limits will be tested and "pushed." In some cases the submissive may ask for limits to be stretched (e.g., wishing to learn how to cry); this is often referred to as "knocking down walls."

Master A male Dominant. Some use the term only for those Dominants who actually "own" a "slave" under contract.

Masochism Obtaining gratification from intense stimulation or pain. Many people use the terms "sexual masochism" or "sensual masochism" to differentiate between a healthy indulgence in pain and the mental illness "masochism."

Masochist One who obtains gratification from intense stimulation or pain. Many people use the terms "sexual masochist" or "sensual masochist" to differentiate between a healthy indulgence in pain and the mental illness "masochism."

Mistress A female Dominant. Some use the term only for those Dominants who actually "own" a "slave" under contract.

Mummification The act of wrapping or encasing a person's body much as was done with historical mummies. Typical materials for mummification include plastic kitchen or pallet wrap, duct tape (usually over plastic wrap), elastic bandages, latex strips, or rope. While more properly considered encasement or cast play, mummification can also be performed with plaster and fiberglass.

Munch (Also "Burgermunch") A gathering of BDSM enthusiasts, usually in a restaurant, for conversation and socializing. Munches are usually held in a public venue and, as such, play and erotic costumes are generally not involved. Originally, the term "Burgermunch" meant a "play enabled" Munch, but now the terms are used interchangeably for the most part.

Negotiation The act of discussing, in advance, the limits and desires of all parties considering a consensual BDSM scene or relationship. With the possible exception of trivial scenes and partners who have been "playing" together for some time, all encounters should be negotiated first.

Panic Snap A small coupling device for rope, chain, cable, or leather straps which can be released even while under tension. Highly adviseable for use in suspension scenes and any situation where the submissive's losing consciousness could result in dead weight on a restraint. Panic snaps are available from tack shops and boating supply stores, among other places.

Pansexual Embracing, accepting, including, or representing all sexual preferences and orientations. A BDSM group which bills itself as a pansexual organization welcomes all interested parties whether heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, transgendered...

Pony Training Role-playing in which one or more partners takes on the role of a horse. Those playing the part of the equines are often referred to as "pony boys" and "pony girls." An interest in animal training scenes does not imply sexual attraction to real animals.

Posture Collar A tall, stiff collar which forces the head up and the chin back. The more severe versions may prevent the head from being moved or turned at all. Posture collars can be extremely uncomfortable to wear for all but the briefest periods.

Power Exchange A term which refers to the basis of all BDSM encounters: one participant giving up control to another who accepts control. Often phrased as "erotic power exchange."

Play Piercing Temporary piercing of the skin within the context of a scene. Not so terribly different from pushing pins beneath the surface of one's palm as school children sometimes do. Typically performed with sterile hypodermic needles (with no syringe attached). Not to be confused with permanent piercing.

Quirt A long riding whip, also known as a lunge whip.

Red Generically referred to as a "safeword" or "stop word." One of the three words used in the widely known "stoplight" safeword system. Calling "red!" is safewording; it means to stop immediately and completely. The Dominant is always required to honor this call.

Restraints Any of a wide range of items for restricting a submissive's movements. Typically used to refer to items specific to BDSM - such as leather bondage cuffs - as opposed to rope and the like.

S&M Sadism and Masochism. A reference to scene play which involves intense sensations or pain. Some who find the terms "sadism" and "masochism" tainted assign the alternate words "Sexual Magic," though it still refers to the same thing. Used by some as a "catch-all" term to mean the entire spectrum of BDSM activities.

Sadism Obtaining gratification from giving intense stimulation or pain. Many people use the terms "sexual sadism" or "sensual sadism" to differentiate between a healthy indulgence and the mental illness "sadism."

Sadist One who obtains gratification from giving intense stimulation or pain. Many people use the terms "sexual sadist" or "sensual sadist" to differentiate between a healthy indulgence and the mental illness "sadism."

Sadomasochism Sensual or sexual play involving intense stimulation, stress, or erotic pain. Many use the term to encompass all aspects of BDSM, thus including restraint, fantasy, dressing for pleasure, and so on.

Sadomasochist In the most technically correct sense, a person who enjoys both giving and receiving intense stimulation and/or pain in an erotic, sensual, or sexual context. Often used as a general reference to both sadists and masochists.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual The watchwords of the S&M community. While the phrase has been used to the point of being hackneyed, virtually all BDSMers abide by its three guiding principles.

Safeword A word, agreed upon during scene negotiations, which when uttered by the submissive calls an immediate halt to all "play." (In public play, literally calling "Safeword!" is often recognized as an alert to the "dungeon master" that a Dominant has ignored a previously agreed-upon safeword.) A safeword is a precautionary measure that, surprisingly, is quite controversial. One argument against safewords is that they cause a Dominant to become complacent. Some Dominants take pride in their ability to read their partners and strive to never force them to safeword. Long-term partners can often "read" each other so well that no safeword is necessary.

SAM An abbreviation meaning "Smart Ass(ed) Masochist.". Often used to refer to a submissive who enjoys sassing Dominants, goading them into play scenes, or "topping from the bottom." "Brat" or "bratty sub" is sometimes used interchangeably with SAM.

Scene (A) An individual session of BDSM-related activities. Participants are in their "roles" during a "scene." BDSM play is also known as "scening."

Scene (The) A slang term used to encompass everything having to do with BDSM - people, places, events, etc.

Sensory Deprivation A scene which involves depriving the subject of one or more of their senses. For example, inserting ear plugs and placing a blindfold over one's eyes.

Single-Tail Any of a variety of whips with only one tail. Bullwhips and stock whips are two examples of single-tail whips.

Slave A submissive who is "owned" by a dominant partner. Some people use "slave" to mean someone with a very intense focus on servitude and a strong drive to be owned. Sometimes used interchangeably with "submissive" and "bottom."

Slave Contract A written document which spells out the terms and limits of a BDSM relationship. Note that in most countries such contracts have no legal validity. Someone who is "under contract" "belongs" to a particular Dominant.

Slave Frame A structure designed to be used in the restraint of a submissive. Often made of wood, perhaps the most common arrangement is a large box or cube with no top, bottom, or sides. Slave frames can be free-standing or attached to a wall or ceiling. Slave frames usually include a large number of eye bolts, rope cleats, or other attachment points.

Squick A slang term meaning to cross one's boundaries to the point of revulsion. Shivering uncontrollably and turning away at the sight of some extreme S&M practice is being squicked. Jargon, coined in one of the Usenet alt.sex newsgroups.

Submission The act of being "controlled" in a D/s scene.

Submissive The "controlled" partner in a D/s scene; also, a description of a submissive's attitude. Submissives are sometimes abbreviated to "sub."

Subspace A state of being, reached by a submissive during a BDSM scene, which can be likened to transcendence.

Suspension A form of bondage in which the subject hangs freely in space. Suspension can be accomplished for short periods using nothing more than special wrist cuffs, but a harness is generally required for longer sessions.

Switch A person who enjoys both dominance and submission and is willing to play either role depending on the circumstances.

Top In a BDSM environment, the one who is given control; also the act of taking control. Some use "top" to refer only to the role in any given scene with no other reference intended; others use the term interchangeably with "Dominant" and "Master/Mistress," still others use "top" to mean those who are only after pure erotic sensations and have no allegiance to a play partner.

Topping from the Bottom (Also "Topping from Below"). A derisive phrase which refers to a submissive's attempts to dictate the precise action in a scene. The bottom has the final say in what will happen or not happen, but it is generally accepted that the Dominant controls both the general flow and the details. Some use the term as equivalent to "micromanagement."

Ugol's Law A principle which states: For any given interest, if a person asks, "Am I the only one?" someone else will answer, "No." Stated more succinctly as, "You are not alone." First formulated by Harry Ugol in the alt.sex.bondage newsgroup, Ugol's Law has been proven correct innumerable times.

Vampire Gloves Gloves with many prickly "points" typically spread across the palm and fingers.

Vanilla A term used to describe or refer to ordinary, conventional life (sexual or otherwise). BDSM outsiders are occasionally referred to as "vanillas." Sometimes used as the inverse insult of "pervert."

Violet Wand A hand-held device which generates high voltage, near zero current electricity. Originally marketed in decades past as a quack medical device, it generates long purple sparks when brought near almost anything, including the human body. The sensation is vaguely like being "bitten" by static electricity. The Violet Wand is one of the few electrical toys safe for use above the waist. Several BDSM suppliers complete kits with attachments for generating various sensations.

Water Sports Any play which involves urine. A scene in which one partner urinates on another is typically referred to as a "Golden Shower."

Wrapping When striking with a flogger, cat, whip, or other flexible instrument, if the tip(s) of the instrument overshoot they will wrap around the recipient's body. Since the resulting "slingshot" effect can cause an intensified impact where not intended, wrapping is to be avoided.

Whipping The act of striking a submissive's body with a flexible instrument such as a whip, flogger, flail, and so on. Some extend the term to include riding crops, canes, paddles, or bare hands.

X-Frame A bondage frame constructed of two boards intersecting at the middle and resembling an "X." More properly known as a "St. Andrew's Cross."

Yellow Generically referred to as a "slow word." One of the three words used in the widely known "stoplight" safeword system. Calling "yellow" means the submissive is near a limit or is not enjoying what is happening. The Dominant may immediately change tactics, continue on at a slower pace, or ignore the call if limits are being pushed. Because of these varied interpretations, the exact meaning of a yellow call - and the Dominant's reaction - should be negotiated beforehand.

Zipper A "torture" implement consisting of a series of small clamps connected by a string or cord. The clamps are attached to various parts of a submissive's body, then later pulled off with the cord.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Nelliel
Creator Genesis
Creator Genesis
avatar

Posts : 372
Join date : 2010-03-17
Age : 106

PostSubject: Methods and Techniques   Wed Aug 04, 2010 11:06 pm

Flogging

by Mitch Kessler aka Sir Adam

According to my Webster’s New American Dictionary, the word “flog” comes from the Latin “flagellare” and means, “to beat with a stick, whip, etc,” ... but often dictionary definitions omit important nuances. In actual usage, beating a person with a stick is more appropriately called “drubbing,” and hitting a dog with a stick is usually called, “hitting the dawg with a stick” — and is a thing which “any fool” can do. When modern English was being assembled (largely from parts manufactured abroad) punishing people by hitting them was called “whipping,” especially if an actual horse-encourager was used. Beating or drubbing, not to mention “boxing” and “cudgeling” implied a less formal chastisement and referred to blunt trauma injuries inflicted with fists or pieces of timber.

“Flogging” was more often applied to various shipboard misfortunes. When a sail, or rope or a spar becomes unfastened in a high wind, it moves from side to side with a violent chaotic motion sailors call flogging. A sail might “flog itself to pieces” in a storm, in which case the sailor who neglected to “lash” it more securely might, himself, be flogged for his inattention to duty. In British sailors' lingo, “catting” does not mean “to hit with a cat,” (or to gad about at night looking for pussy) but to “tie something securely with many turns of rope.” Hence, a man being flogged with a cat was first “catted” to a grating ... but sailors, who seem to enjoy arcane and obscure word usages, would call the tying up “lashing” and the whipping would be called a flogging. Our Modern English and the British Navy got organized in the same century and this punishing nomenclature came ashore for all of us to enjoy and be confused by.
The point of all this lexicography is to establish that “to flog” suggests some kind of back-and-forth motion, used with more finesse than when “a fool hits a dawg with a stick.,”... whereas “whipping” (on land) refers to a sharp reversal of motion, as exemplified by the snap of a single-tail whip.

In olden days flogging was entertainment only for the spectators. The “beadles” who did the whipping got all tired, thirsty and sweaty ... even if they didn’t get scratched, bitten or punched by the victim -- for whom the exercise was not supposed to provide any pleasure at all. Later, when more or less consensual flogging became a Darkside sexual thrill ... there were no witnesses to consider and the “victim” wanted to suffer. The Flog-ers still got tired and sweaty, but enjoyed what they were doing, or were paid enough not to care.

Today, with our Safe Sane and Sensual flogging style it’s not easy for the same flogging to satisfy everyone concerned. The spectators can be either bored or horrified ... The Dungeon Chaperones may approve or not ... The flog-ee may get too much or too little sensation — and the Floger-er still gets hot and sweaty. Nonetheless, in BDSM’s “good society” the ability to flog acceptably is the rough equivalent of the expectation elsewhere that one dance acceptably. Fortunately, flogging is easier than dancing. The motions are simpler, no one has to walk backwards --and the music can be ignored.

Why Flog?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ultimately the purpose of a flogging is to inflict pleasure. This might be the pleasure of having endured a torturous ordeal “with honor,” or the complex pleasure of simultaneously causing, witnessing and vicariously sharing the other person’s struggle with pain. There is a point at which the “agoniste” exceeds that which you’d expect from non-contact athletics. When that level of intensity is reached, attempts at verbal/intellectual understanding become almost counter- productive. If you understand the desire for such intensity, no explanation is necessary. If you do not understand, no explanation will be sufficient. Those who explore these quasi-mystical extremes get there by a route similar to that followed by other athletes. There is an innate talent and desire, molded over time by experiential learning and self-discovery. Following this path guarantees distressingly uncomfortable experiences, and includes the possibility of injury ... although unlike competitive athletics, the chance of suffering a disabling accident is exceedingly remote.

How to Flog and Be Flogged----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the Bottom, being flogged is simplicity itself. You stand there with a bare back or bare butt, or both, while someone waves a bundle of soft leather ribbons in your general direction. Once you grow accustomed to standing in one place without fainting, you might find you actually like some contact with the implement. In that case, you still just stand there ... but now you add verbal and non-verbal communication skills to your routine -- and will be expected to, “remember your safeword.” Some people enjoy being hit so hard it hurts ... sometimes so it hurts a lot. Sometimes it even makes marks or draws blood ... which some people like a lot as well. Once you realize this, you realize there is yet another demand placed on the Flog-ee ... making sure the Flog-er has a general idea of how hard to hit, before starting to do so. Informing your Top of your limits (in no uncertain terms, if necessary) is called “negotiation.”

A flogging Top needs leg and foot endurance , but can move around a bit, which relieves strain and fatigue. The active partner also needs a certain amount of hand-eye coordination, aerobic conditioning and upper body stamina. The Flog-er is also usually presumed to be the one responsible for hearing the safeword, a cue to stop hitting, should it be uttered. This includes making sure the ambient noise level does not cover a frenzied cry of “toothpaste” (when a Flog-ee likes to use words like “Mercy” or “nopleasestop” as part of the scene, unmistakable safewords like this sometimes get used.) -- or make provision for someone else to hear and signal a cue -- to-stop.

Flogging Scene Structure--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every flogging is at least slightly different, even between the same partners using the same equipment and the same scenario. The range of what different people do at different times in different combinations is virtually infinite, and ranges from the merely symbolic to the ... and this is not necessarily a bad thing ... profoundly traumatic.There are as many ways of “doing a flogging” (or S/M) as there are combinations of people doing the doing. There are, however, some common features that exist to a greater or lesser degree in all floggings. Old-Guard ‘70s Sexual Revolutionists will recognize this pattern from Masters and Johnson’s landmark books Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Dysfunction. The analogy is not far-fetched. S/M is sex. It’s just that there are different cultural norms about where and with whom you are allowed to enjoy it.

Seduction---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First there is a “decision” or “negotiation” phase which may take place days before the actual event. This is where the consent, “bargaining and acceptance” takes place, and limits are set. The process may be as simple as two strangers noting the pocket in which each carries their Black Hankie. The more explicit the negotiation, the fewer chances there are for surprises ... which is not always a good thing. Although it may never be explicitly stated in words, somewhere in this process is the determination of, “what the scene is about” ... the relationship being enacted ... if there is fantasy or role-playing involved ... what is to be done, what is to be imagined, and what the aftermath is hoped or expected to be. Much of the sense of “safety” -- emotional and physical, will be established in this phase. Between new partners, discussion and exploration can occupy a great deal of time, to very good purpose. In well-established couples it may consist of nothing more than saying, “Wanna Play?”

This is the time to find out about possible health considerations ... a weak back for example, or cardiovascular diseases. By inquiring into these things, a Top shows experience, expertise and caring, which increases his or her perceived dominance. Practically speaking, even young, apparently fit people can suffer from conditions the Top should know about and have a plan for. The two most important are diabetes and asthma. Diabetics may respond to stress by passing out ... which may be a trivial, even common occurrence requiring only a bit of rest — or a sugar imbalance requiring adjustment or even emergency medical care. The person with the problem is the one responsible for knowing what ought to be done about it. Under stress, asthmatics may experience sudden difficulty in breathing. Again, the sufferer should be able to propose a plan for evaluating and responding to the problem should it arise. In most cases, for asthma, this means having their medicated inhaler within easy reach. People with seizure disorders should also reveal the fact, along with instruction on how to respond to an incident.This is not only about the flog-ee. It is also important that if the flog-er has any pre-existing conditions, his/her partner should know ... and should have means to quick-release any restraints and know how to respond. It might be worth mentioning that “more” is not always “better” in discussion and planning. If events do not follow an overly-explicit plan (once called an “agenda”) disappointment follows ; especially if fantasies, hopes and desires become confused with actual abilities and intentions.

Anticipation-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Play can begin long before the first blow. Even the physical process of dressing for the event, selecting the gear to be used, or moving from the “ordinary world” to the space in which the flogging takes place, influences what is to follow and how everyone feels about it during -- and after. Some people will use scenarios with assumed characters, plot points and dialog to get them where they want to go. For others, the simple act of assuming the positions of flogging, the moment of putting on a collar or restraints create the desired mood and level of excitement. It is neither polite, nor even accurate to assume that “scripted” or “theatrical” is the same thing as “artificial” or “insincere,” as anyone who has studied acting can attest to -- nor can quick-starting pairs be assumed to be casual or perfunctory in what they do.

Setting the Stage-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a flogging begins, purposeful action is the key to “success”— fumbling is the enemy of enjoyment. This is the last point at which to adjust lighting, temperature and sound levels. This is where blindfolds and other “props” go on, where clothes come off, where final adjustments are made. The actual work might, depending on personal factors of all kinds, be done by the Top alone ... by the Bottom alone ... each attending to their own “spheres” — or by a Dungeon Attendant of some kind. These choices will also affect the psychic impact of the experience.

Stimulation-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the intent is affectionate, sensual ... or at least non punitive -- a flogging should start at a much lower intensity than it will eventually reach. At the very least, this helps the flog-ee adjust to the physical stress gradually, and establishes trust in the flog-er’s ability and intentions. It also affords the flog-er the opportunity to estimate the flog-ee’s resolution and probable endurance. These moves are introductory ... even a bit tentative. Specially selected warm-up floggers might come into play at this point.

Arousal------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The boundaries between stages are not clear cut. Stimulation “ends” essentially when the Top notices that the Bottom is responding to it. More importantly, this stage is the point ... at last ... at which things are starting to be FUN ... HOT ... SEXY. The flog-ee is beginning to relish the sensations and anticipate more ... the flog-er is beginning to feel the way the scene is going to go. Both will probably be breathing more quickly, and through flared nostrils. This stage might include verbal exchanges such as “threats” promises, or reassurances. It might also include introductory or exploratory touching, such as muscle-kneading, skin stroking, light slaps, pinches or scratches -- anything by which the Top communicates, “I’m here,” and the Bottom responds appropriately.

Plateau------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is where the flogging- proper occurs. It progresses from a low end, through a mid-range, to a peak, and back again. Communication, both verbal and non-verbal will be most frequent and intense at this stage. The Top will most likely either be establishing a pattern and rhythm, or will be deliberately randomizing the blows. Most Bottoms will have more pleasure from regular, predictable impacts; more of a sense of punishment from chaotic sensations. Ideally, both parties will be intensely focused on each other. At least, one hopes the Top will be devoting complete attention to the Bottom’s reactions and what is causing them. Some Tops will want to devise strategies to remind them to check their Bottom’s condition from time to time without breaking either partner’s mood.

Time-Out----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just as with “vanilla” sex, partners may want to prolong the experience ... or even take a break without actually losing contact. This might be because of the Bottom wanting more, but being, for the moment, unable to continue. “Intermediate Safewords” are useful for this situation. Some Tops develop an uncanny ability to not throw the blow that would have caused the Bottom to use the safeword. Part of the trick for doing this is to watch for a deep intake of breath (which is not a gasp) immediately following a stroke. The ribcage expands, the Top sees it, and does not land the next stroke. The Bottom is amazed, and often impressed! In a few moments the scene continues. Another cause for a pause might be a non-catastrophic physical problem that should be corrected before continuing -- for example, a foot-cramp or a too-tight wrist cuff. (Which could occur in vanilla sex, too ... come to think of it).

Prolonged “hands over head” posture, especially when combined with tight wrist cuffs, can leave the fingers deprived of blood. For people not suffering from a circulatory disorder, up to twenty minutes of reduced circulation is essentially meaningless -- so long as there is a perceptible pulse, no swelling and no discoloration of the fingers. Still, after 15 or 20 minutes it becomes advisable, and reassuring, if the Top grasps the fingers of the Bottom, feeling for unusual coolness with the palm of the hand. Another quick check is done by pressing any unpainted fingernail until it turns white, then releasing. The pink color should return within a second or two. Otherwise it may be time to change position and adjust the cuffs.

From time to time the Top may want to assess the amount of skin and muscle trauma by feeling the heat of the skin. With experience, this can be done without making contact by slowly bringing the underside of a wrist or forearm close to the back. If it feels as if there is a dry heat rising from the skin it means the flog-ee has been well and truly stimulated. It could be time to look forward to ending the scene, or backing down and building up again. An intense fiery heat could be the first sign of bruising. Inexperienced Tops can get a sense of this, without over-flogging, by trying the technique on fresh, fiery-red sunburns. A good painful first-degree burn, (such as a lobster-red shoulder sunburn) will put out about the same heat as the beginning of blue bruise concerns.

Climax-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some people actually reach orgasm as a result of being flogged. This gratifying reaction is more common in women and more visible in men. But actually this is a fairly rare treat. More often, the peak of a flogging scene is the point just over the absolute limit of the flog-ee’s tolerance. It is usually the point at which the Flog-ee will use the safeword, even if the consequence is the irrevocable stopping of the scene, or the imposition of some pre-agreed penalty or default. Not every flogging can, or should, reach this point. Some flog-ers will consciously strive to stop the flogging exactly one stroke before the flog-ee “safewords.” The sudden remission of pain in this way can actually have more impact on the flog-ee than escalation.

Resolution--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ideally, a flogging ends with both sides feeling really good. Good, however, is experienced and expressed in different ways for different people. Either party might feel spent, exhausted and languorous, or energized and alert. For most people, sexual arousal is more probable after a less-than-to-the-limit flogging than to one that “tested out” the parties.

Refractory Period-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Enough is enough! ‘Nough said? In addition to completing the Masters and Johnson analogy, there is an “afterwards” period ... at least for intense flogging -- that approximates the post-orgasmic changes (most noticeable in men) after genital sex. Emotionally, the flog-ee will need either 1) to receive after care: be comforted, reassured, cuddled, or 2) to be “abandoned,” ie: left alone to enjoy “inner space” or just to become composed. Some people’s whole objective in being flogged is to trigger an endorphin release -- which they would like the leisure to enjoy. (Yes, this is very similar to “rolling over and going to sleep” ... but what can you do? It’s one of those things you just have to work out or get over. ) But physically, ... a well-flogged person is stressed, fatigued, probably dehydrated, possibly disoriented. They may have broken skin (and therefore subject to infection). They are very susceptible to chill. It’s generally considered the flog-er’s responsibility to meet those physical needs without subverting the overall experience -- even if the flog-ee’s emotional need is for “abandonment.” In that case, a typical “Top Ploy” is to throw some kind of cover over the flog-ee, and leave something to drink within easy reach, after making with some scene -appropriate pseudo-harsh remark. Improvisational Theatre can be “contrived” without being insincere.

My own feeling is that abandonment should be simulated and not real. Playing in public, the flog-ee (unless there is specific agreement to the contrary) should not be left alone. Even in private, the flog-er should keep the flog-ee under observation, even if hiding to do it.

Flog-ers need their own brand of aftercare sometimes. These are mostly emotional needs for (not necessarily in this order) 1) admiration, 2) declarations of submission and/or satisfaction, 3) reassurance of forgiveness for excesses, real or imagined. Flog-ers’ physical needs ... muscle massage, something to drink ... a shower -- usually can wait.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I'll add this other part cause this author covers some stuff the other one does not:

To the novice flogging may look easy, and actually it's not that difficult, but it does require concentration and physical exertion along with some practice. However, knowledge of some basic guidelines can greatly enhance the learning curve and enrich the experience for both the "top" and the "bottom". And a beginner would do well to practice on a wall or pillow, focusing on the intended striking point.

1. Before any flogging, the participants should negotiate what is desired and what isn't, along with what "safe-word" or other indication the "bottom" is to use to slowdown or stop the flogging. Does the "bottom" like stinging or thud sensations? How open is he or she to new experiences? Has this person had much experience with flogging? Novices may think they can take lots of pain, and then be surprised at what a good flogging actually feels like.

In addition, pertinent medical or physical problems should be made known before beginning.

2. The basic area to flog is the upper back on each side of the spine. Try to stay off the spine to prevent injury to the vertebrae and related tissues, and the skinnier the person is the more important this is. Also avoid swinging the tails down the back onto the hips or upper butt, or else this may cause a different kind of pain that is undesirable. Rather than a full swinging motion (this isn't golf) that carries the tails down the back, stop the flogger immediately after it hits or even pull it backwards in a snapping motion right before it hits. By varying this motion you can control how much of the tails connect with the back; more will cause greater thud while hitting with just the tips will be stingier.

3. Generally speaking, avoid unintentional "wrapping," which is when the tips of the tails wrap around a curved part of the body such as the shoulders, torso, butt or legs. In wrapping the tips accelerate tremendously and the resulting excessive force at the tips almost always causes an undesirable increase in pain. One difficulty in avoiding wrapping is that the tips can fly so fast that you may have trouble seeing them--a person sometimes has to estimate where the tails are hitting, especially in darker environments. In addition, when throwing a flogger people often have a tendency to lunge forward, which can cause wrapping if it's not compensated for. On rare occasions a bottom may desire wrapping, but then this should be done by mutual agreement and with care to not overdo it.

4. Other targets: the butt is very inviting, yet because of its smaller size and roundness it requires greater accuracy to avoid excessive wrapping onto the hips or into the especially sensitive "inner" areas; also avoid hitting the tailbone. When flogged well, though, the butt can be very rewarding. The thighs can be flogged but should be done with extra attention to the power in wrapping. Female breasts should be flogged relatively lightly to avoid later medical problems, and this may be more important if they are flogged often; males can usually safely take more in this area. Generally other parts of the body, especially the kidney area, shouldn't be flogged except maybe with very light, miniature floggers. Stay away from all joints of the legs and arms, and the head and neck should never be flogged.

Also be aware that there is a big difference in flogging someone in the standing position versus lying down.

5. Start with softer blows and work up gradually to harder ones--this way the bottom will be able to take more as well as get more out of the session. Similarly, if you have more than one flogger, use the lighter one before going to the heavier one. In addition, varying the pace and alternating heavier blows with softer ones (or using just the tips), can make the difference between a good flogging and a great one.

During a flogging the top also needs to be sensitive to the nuances of how the bottom is handling the experience and when to vary the strokes. And after the bottom has recuperated from the flogging, the top can learn valuable information by obtaining the bottom's perspective on what it was like.

6. The top should understand that softer/heavier tails will generally cause thud, while harder or narrower tails will cause more sting--rubber or braided leather tails are usually the most stingy. And these differences are best understood by experiencing them on one's own skin. A flogger also needs to be thrown fast enough so the tails don't fly apart and land inaccurately--because of this it's very difficult to use a heavier flogger in place of a lighter one to achieve the blows that a lighter flogger would deliver. This is why people often have more than one flogger.

7. Occasionally during a flogging a small amount of blood may appear on the skin as a result of a blemish being broken open. How blood and other body fluids on a flogger should be dealt with is controversial; disinfectants and leather conditioners can alter the leather and having different floggers for every bottom isn't practical.

First of all, have band-aids available and apply one as soon as any break in the skin is noticed. If any blood or body secretions have gotten on the tails, they should be wiped with a dry cloth while wearing a glove (there shouldn't be much!). Then before using the flogger on another person it should be hung to air-dry in a warm, dry place for two weeks--the drying action will kill the AIDS and hepatitis viruses. Some would suggest cleaning the tails with a cloth moistened with a fresh solution of bleach mixed 1 part to 10 parts water and then waiting 10 minutes before using the flogger on someone else. A few may suggest both the bleach solution and then drying for two weeks, but this may be more than is needed. On the other hand, we are talking about AIDS and hepatitis.

The best approach is to avoid getting blood and other body fluids on your floggers. However, the flogging action will tend to wipe blood away and make a tiny skin break difficult to see. Therefore checking a bottom's skin after a flogging for signs that any blood may have gotten on the flogger would be wise. A few would even say that the same flogger should never be used on more than one person per day, but that is not actually a sufficient length of time to be safe from hepatitis. Others say that the risk of catching AIDS or hepatitis from floggers is very minimal, yet this would be almost impossible to verify with certainty.

Finally though, always remember: If someone is trusting you enough to let you flog them, you owe it to him or her to be sensitive and careful; and secondly, flogging is ultimately supposed to be gratifying to both parties.


Author: Keith L. Hendrick - 23.07.2000---------------------------------------------------------------------------


On to Bondage:

First, a bit of history from Wiki:

In the context of BDSM, bondage involves people being tied up or otherwise restrained for pleasure. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. The paraphilia of being sexually aroused by bondage is sometimes known as vincilagnia.

It is worth noting that bondage has sexual appeal to persons of both sexes and all sexual orientations. However, a subculture of gay men, sometimes called leathermen, were arguably among the first group to make obvious hints of their tastes in bondage in public.

The growth of the gay leather subculture parallels the biker culture that arose after World War II -- a number of early leathermen were WWII veterans, and the military traditions of discipline and structure were an important influence in Old Guard leather. While the bikers were not identified as homosexual, the leathermen admired their toughness, tenacity, and willingness to ignore mainstream social mores. Consequently, they adopted the biker style of dress, particularly the use of black leather. While this served a utilitarian purpose for the bikers, in providing warmth and protection from "road rash," it was primarily of fashion and fetishistic value to the leathermen, who for the most part did not ride motorcycles extensively (although there have been and are numerous gay leather motorcycle clubs).

Beginning in the late 1960s, heterosexual groups began to come together to explore bondage and power exchange. With time, these groups have grown and have raised their profile somewhat, to the point where most U.S. cities of any size have one or more such groups. A major goal of most of these groups is to provide semi-public opportunities for BDSM, in an effort to provide a safe environment for relative strangers to engage in such activities. As such, these groups attach high importance to objective safety rules, such as the use of safewords.

--------------------------------------------------Technique------------------------------------------------------------

Bondage can be divided into six main categories:

* Bondage that pulls parts of the body together (rope, straps, harnesses).
* Bondage that spreads parts of the body apart (spreader bars, x-frames).
* Bondage that ties the body down to another object (such as chairs or stocks).
* Bondage that suspends the body from another object (suspension bondage).
* Bondage that restricts normal movement (hobble skirts, handcuffs, pony harness).
* Bondage that wraps the whole body or a part of it in bindings such as cloth or plastic (saran wrap or cling film "mummification") as well as sleepsack bondage.

Some of the large variety of restraints used in bondage:

* Rope, often preferred because of its flexibility. Rigging, however, requires considerable skill and practice to do safely.
* Chains, including police handcuffs, thumbcuffs and belly chains.
* Institutional restraints, including straitjackets.
* Purpose-made bondage gear, such as monogloves, sleepsacks, bondage hooks and bondage tables.

---------------------------------------------------------Safety----------------------------------------------------------

Many people regard bondage as safe when conducted between sober, trusted partners who are fully aware of the risks involved and the precautions necessary to ensure safety. Partners who are in committed relationships may have a greater basis for trusting each other. Performing acts in a supervised location, such as a dungeon, or with a group of trusted friends may also increase safety.

There is also a subculture of people who seek out others interested in bondage and pursue such activities with people who they do not know well. This subculture has given rise to the safe, sane and consensual credo.

Safety precautions include:

* The use of a "safeword," or some clear way for the subject to indicate genuine distress and a wish to abort.
* Never leaving a bound person alone.
* Avoiding positions or restraints which may induce postural asphyxia.
* Making sure that the subject changes positions at least once an hour (to avoid circulation problems).
* Making sure that the subject can be released quickly in an emergency.
* Avoiding restraints which impair breathing. (Gags or hoods which block the mouth can become asphyxial hazards if the subject vomits or the nose becomes otherwise blocked.)
* Remaining sober; alcohol and drugs should be avoided.

One very simple safety measure is to ask the subject every so often if he or she is all right. Another is to check body parts like hands and feet for numbness or coldness, which can happen if nerves have been pinched or blood circulation has been blocked. Another is to check for skin discoloration. Skin that does not get enough oxygen turns bluish. If blood can get in, but can't get out because one of the veins has been blocked, that part of the body turns purple.

If the subject has been gagged or can otherwise not verbally communicate, a different form of the safeword is needed. For instance, they may hum a simple tune, or opening and closing one or both hands repeatedly, or releasing an object held in one hand(such as a rubber ball, or a scarf).

Some simple preparations may also be helpful:

* Food. It is surprisingly common for people (especially those on diets) to faint during a long session. Having a regular meal beforehand is recommended; being fed small snacks during play may also help avoid fainting.
* Cutting tools. A pair of EMT scissors is recommended (useful for safely cutting rope and tape off skin).
* Keyed-alike padlocks, if chains are being used.

It should be noted that scenes depicted in bondage photographs and videos are chosen for their visual appeal and fantasy value. In most cases they cannot be "acted out" with good results.

Self-bondage carries a higher risk, particularly because it violates the first principle of bondage safety: to never leave a bound person alone. Without someone to release them in the event of an emergency or medical crisis, self-bondage can be lethal to its practitioners. It has been estimated in the medical literature there are around 500-1000 deaths every year in the United States due to autoerotic asphyxia (self-strangulation) alone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To be good in bondage, you first need to learn how to tie a knot:

A link to all your knotting needs

And because bondage is a visual art as much as it is a kink, some links for your pleasure(adult content in these links!):

Serious Bondage.com

Bondage University

The Bondage Project
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dominance and Submission:


Overview:(from Wiki)

Dominance and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context.


Physical contact is not a necessity, and it can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called submissives or subs (male or female). A switch is an individual who plays in either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. "Dominatrix" is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay.

Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected with these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. Human beings share with many other mammals the desire to look up to certain individuals who become leaders through strength of will and personality, to lead or follow, and to submit or dominate.[citation needed] In human sexuality this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role.

While D/s deals with representations of brutality and cruelty, and the emotional responses to them, adherents are quick to point out that D/s is not about actual acts of brutality and cruelty. It is a consensual power exchange between the two partners and need not involve any brutality (such as corporal punishment) or cruelty (verbal or emotional abuse) at all. It is primarily based upon trust and communication between the partners. It is also based on a deep ethos of mutual respect in which exploration of the emotions brought up by brutality and cruelty can take place in a safe, sane and consensual manner.

A safe word is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. The safe word is especially important when engaging in verbal humiliation or playing 'mind-games' because the submissive may not be aware of an emotional boundary until it is crossed. If an emotional boundary is breached and the safe word called, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner.

D/s may be ritualized or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits and needs in order to find commonality. A D/s relationship may be sexual or non-sexual, long or short term, and intimate or anonymous. Most adherents search for the essential intensity, trust and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible.


D/s relationship styles-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There can be any number of partners in a D/s relationship, in some cases with one dominant sometimes having several submissives, who may in turn dominate others, or a submissive sometimes may have multiple dominants. Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Romantic love is not necessarily a feature in D/s, partners might be very much in love or have no romantic relationship at all.

Variation in D/s is virtually limitless and the activities take many forms. These may include:

* domestic servitude or consensual slavery
* enforced chastity of the submissive
* erotic humiliation
* payments by the submissive to the dominant (These may include payments of money, sexual favors or general servitude.)
* sexual slavery
* verbal humiliation
* fetishes, such as foot/shoe/boot worship, uniforms, smoking, latex, heavy rubber, among others are activities considered part of BDSM
* dehumanization or objectification (pony or animal play, becoming an 'inanimate object' such as a foot stool)
* cross-dressing

These may be combined with other forms of BDSM. A classic example of D/s is the sissymaid, where an adult male dresses in cartoonish female clothing and performs stereotypical female chores such as housecleaning or serving tea. It should be noted that cross-dressing in D/s does not always involve a desire to be sissified or made into caricatures of women or to serve; for example, others may desire to be made as beautiful as possible and interact on a "girlfriend-to-girlfriend" non-sexual basis.

Some D/s relationships are sexual, others completely chaste. Fantasy role play can also be a part, with partners taking classic dominant/submissive roles, or classic authority figure roles such as teacher/student, police officer/suspect or parent/child. Animal play, where one partner takes the role of owner/caretaker and the other takes the part of a pet or animal, can also be D/s play.


About Contracts:(also from Wiki)

In BDSM, a contract is an agreement, usually written, between the dominant and submissive in a 24/7 or Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship. It is the formal act of consent to the power exchange.

Some are very formal and will detail exactly what is expected and can run for multiple pages. Others are as brief as a single paragraph. Either way, one is derived by negotiation on the part of both parties. BDSM couples consider the contract to hold equal moral authority to a marriage commitment. As such, constructing a proper contract is very much like writing a pre-nuptial agreement.

General outline

Petition

The petition acts in the same manner as a cover letter for a résumé. In a petition a submissive will make their plea to the dominant and may outline why they are seeking to be in service to the dominant. Generally not used with a relationship that existed prior to the contract, however, for a submissive who is in search of a dominant, this feature helps to show professionalism and attention to detail. The petition should go into detail of your request, why you wish to be in service, your goals, and why you've chosen this dominant specifically.

Names and Roles of Parties

Generally the opening portion of the contract states the names of the parties, and spells out what roles they play. Many reflect a degree of affected legalese (e.g., "herein referred to as Master"), though it is in no way required. Couples who are concerned about the existence of a "paper trail" may consider omitting the names, or taking a pseudonym.

Term of Service

The contract should define the period of service. Generally, beginning couples start with a one to three month contract. This allows for a couple to explore the confines of the relationship without an onerous lifetime commitment.

Rules, Duties, and Goals

Each party should specify the rules and duties that are expected to be enforced during the contract period. This is also where the level of protocol is spelled out. The more detail agreed to ahead of time, the less likely misunderstandings will appear later.

Limits

Each party lists the BDSM activities that they will and will not agree to. Many use some form of a BDSM checklist that is included in, or attached to the contract. This establishes what limits each party requires.

Termination Requirements

This section dictates who can terminate the agreement, and under what circumstances. Many contracts state that the dominant may breach the contract at will, while the submissive can only terminate the contract under circumstances that are dictated within the contract (which may include non-consensual abuse or neglect, or repeated violations of limits). If there is a safeword that the submissive can use to end the contract, it is included here.

Signature of all Parties

The act of signing the contract formalizes the existence of the relationship. Additionally, some contracts may include the signatures of one or two witnesses.

BDSM Contracts and the Law

BDSM contracts are not legally binding. In areas of the world where BDSM activities are illegal, contracts brought to light can be used to prosecute those involved in the BDSM lifestyle. For example, in many countries consent is not a defense to assault, and a BDSM contract may not protect a dominant from being charged with criminal activity.

Contracts can, however, be used to show that the relationship was voluntary and may help in convincing a prosecutor (and if that fails, a jury), that a conviction is not warranted. In this case the contract has equal legal weight to a waiver.[citation needed]

Contracts can also help show which activities were agreed to and which were not. A contract that specifically states that a dominant may not disfigure the submissive, would allow a jury to differentiate between the acts which have been consented to and the disfigurement which has not, and impose sanctions accordingly.

Dominance and submission links:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Domsubinfo

The Academy of D/s arts (this also has a link to Japanese rope art)

THE EULENSPIEGEL SOCIETY
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Nelliel
Creator Genesis
Creator Genesis
avatar

Posts : 372
Join date : 2010-03-17
Age : 106

PostSubject: Community   Wed Aug 04, 2010 11:07 pm

First, safety, If you are going to use any of these sites or want to contact anybody in the scene online, remember this is the internet, people lie. Sometimes those people are dangerous.
If you happen to want to meet someone from online, do it first in a public place, bring a friend, tell someone where you are going, and do not let your guard down. This pretty much goes for anytime you meet a stranger but it bears repeating again.

The eulienspiegel society that I posted above is about the best all around website for just getting information. and contacting knowledgeable people within the scene.

The Black Rose a very informative and active BDSM community who have regular gatherings, unfortunately they operate only out of Washington DC, so of no real use to those on the west coast.

My dungeon space think myspace but BDSM. Never looked into it but it seems interesting.

CollarMe Bills itself as the largest BDSM community on the planet. Has personals, chatrooms and forums.

Iron Rose Seems no one is manning the website anymore but it has library of info, a list of gathering places across the US for people in the scene, and at one time had a list of annual gatherings. Still, its an interesting and informative site.

Dark Heart.com This site is also not really manned or updated much but all the links I tested work. Basically this is a listing of BDSM groups and communities state by state. No global listings sorry.

And if anyone has any links to sites they want listed here, send them my way. Links to international communities are especially needed. Thanks.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The BDSM thread.   

Back to top Go down
 
The BDSM thread.
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Wayne Rooney [Looks like Mr Potatohead -is a total tosspot)] Thread
» Ryan Giggs (is a twat) thread.
» The Berlin Forest Boy 'Ray' (Speculative Thread!)
» How to make a sticky thread?
» auto-lock-a-thread

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Universe of the Living :: Relationship and Friendship.-
Jump to: